Despicable
by justyourfriendlyneighbor
Summary: “One day you will understand why I pushed you away as I ran.” Reylo oneshot inspired by the song “Despicable” by grandson. Rated T to be safe.


**AN: hi! So this one-shot is inspired by the song "Despicable" by grandson (spelled all lowercase, yes), hence the title. I highly suggest listening to the song before, after, or while you're reading this so you can kinda get the picture I had in mind while writing this. **

**Enjoy!**

_The goodbye is the hardest part_

_When we find ourselves back at the start_

Rey didn't know that their last meeting was the, well… last time.

Ben had been oddly somber, as though his mind were on another planet, not on Jakku, where they'd been meeting once a week for the past year.

"Ben?" Rey said, hesitantly reaching out to place her hand on his shoulder. It was almost as though her touch was what broke him. His usually rigid and perfect stance sagged, and his hand hung low.

Rey's brow furrowed. Something wasn't right. "What is it? Are you hurt?"

He turned to look at her then, and she involuntarily pulled back when she saw the wetness in his eyes. The eyes that many had looked into in their final moments, that were cold and lifeless. That were now shining and pained.

"Is everything all right–?"

She didn't get a chance to finish, for Ben had pulled her close and silenced her worries with his lips.

It was different that time, like a sense of finality was blanketing them. He was somehow both gentle and demanding, as though he was starving but savoring every moment. Rey didn't question him, she never had. She thought it must just be some trauma from his childhood or his time under Snoke.

So she simply loved him that night.

_One day you will understand_

_Why I pushed you away as I ran_

When she woke up the next morning, Rey found herself alone. Which was odd, since Ben always stayed till she woke up. Feeling that the other side of the cot was cold, she frowned.

She tried not to overthink it, he probably just needed to get back to Starkiller Base for a mission.

That felt like a punch to her gut. Even though they'd long since gotten past the fact they stood on opposing sides in this war, it still effected her deeply.

Rey swing her legs off the side of the cot, trying to stand up and get dressed, only to flip back down. She held her head in her hands as tears slipped down her cheeks. _If only he would turn to the Light, it would be so much easier._

Already back on Starkiller base, Ben held back the tears behind his eyes. He could feel Rey's grief through the Force. He took a deep breath, repeating the same four words to himself.

_It's better this way._

He hoped that one day he would believe it.

_The boy who fell into the sky_

_Had no one there to watch him cry_

_He looked at you with empty eyes and said:_

_"I'm doing you a favor, doing you a favor."_

When Ben wasn't there, the next week, Rey tried not to be too bothered. This had happened a couple times before.

Still, she waited for him to show up, but after three hours, it was obvious he wasn't going to show. On her way out of her old home, she noticed a small piece of paper.

Picking it up, she quickly read the letter's content, a hand at her mouth in shock.

_Rey,_

_Please forgive me._

_I'm sorry for leaving so early last time, but I had to._

_And it pains me to say, but I do not think it wise for us to keep seeing each other._

_I believe the pain I'm causing you this very moment though this letter is less than I have in the past._

_I've hurt you over and over, Rey. __I cannot keep doing so._

_Do not come after me, even if it's just to scream at me._

_I'm doing you a favor. Trust me. _

_Yours always,_

_Ben_

Rey crumpled to the floor, sobs racking her small body.

He was leaving. No, he was already gone.

_That explains his behavior last week, _Rey thought weakly.

She stayed there for hours, long after the sun had descended. The bunker got cold, but she didn't notice. She was numb. Nothing mattered anymore.

She knew she would have to get up eventually, and she would. But she allowed herself the one night to cry, to grieve.

When she woke up the next morning, she found herself on the cot, though she could've sworn she's fallen asleep on the floor.

Rey got up, dusted off any remnants of dirt, took a deep breath, and went back to the Resistance.

_Despicable_

_I'm just a bottom feeder_

_Despicable_

_I ain't ever been a keeper_

_Despicable_

_Love her then I leave her_

_And if I were you, I wouldn't love me either. _

**AN(again): thanks for reading! I kept listening to this song and thought I'd burst if I didn't write something based on it! Please leave a review and tell me if you liked it! I'm entirely open to suggestions for one shots if you have any (I'm in lots of fandoms so I could probably do a good amount)!**


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